So, I sort of can't believe that it's been four and a half months since I last posted. I missed the entire summer and failed to write about a number of things: Axl's semi-fiasco of a birthday sleepover party, The Boys each learning how to ride a bike without training wheels on consecutive days in under a half an hour, and The Rocket Queen's general cuteness. There's no real excuse but a bunch of reasons, none of which I really feel like getting into right now. Anyway...
The Wife went out for sushi with The Father-in-Law tonight, leaving me to put The Kids down by myself. Unlike a lot of nights recently, tonight was cruising along with no behavior problems or attitude issues. The Boys got themselves dressed and "brushed their teeth" (quotes added to denote the fact that they went into the bathroom and made noises as if brushing their teeth but I have no idea if teeth were actually brushed with toothpaste) and were sitting on their beds as The Rocket Queen sat down to pee on the toilet. Then, Axl decided it was the right time to ask:
Axl: Daddy, why d girls get their periods and have blood come out of their butts?
Fuck. Why do they always seem to ask these kinds of questions when The Wife isn't home?
The Rocket Queen: Daddy, I need a book.
Me: Okay sweetie, I'm coming (PHEW!)
I got her a book and went back to The Boys' room:
Axl: So why does blood come out of their butts?
Me: Um, so, when girls hit puberty, they get their periods.
Slash: What does that mean?
Me: Ok, well, here it goes. You know how babies grow in the uterus? Well, every month when a girl gets her period, the uterus sheds its uterine lining. And it comes out with blood.
Slash: So a girl gets a new uterus every month?
Axl: And the blood comes out their butts?
Me: Nope, not from their butts.
Slash: I don't like girls.
Axl: Then where?
I guess I need to really spell it out...
Me: The blood comes out of their vaginas.
Axl: So from their anus.
Me: No, from their vaginas. The anus is part of the butt.
Axl: Oh, so it comes out the front.
Me: Yes, the front.
Axl: What's the thing called on boys, like the weenie...
Me: You mean the penis?
Axl: No, it sounds like anus, but it's in the front.
Me: You mean the penis.
Axl: No, not the penis. It's like the anus, but in front?
Me: Yes, the penis.
Axl: No Daddy, not the penis. (He then stands up and motions to his front) This area.
Me: Oh, you mean the crotch?
Me: What's the question?
Axl: What question?
Me: What did you want to know?
Axl: I don't know.
Me: Oh, ok then. Good talk.
Axl: Whatever, let's read Harry Potter.
Tampon > Douchebag
2 hours ago