So, I'd like to thank the little people...
I think my actions over the last two days warrant my receiving a Father Of The Year award. All I need is to find an organization that would like to give it to me.
Yesterday, after taking both Boys with me to the car wash to have The Wife's car totally cleaned (inside and out) for the first time since we got it, I took The Boys to Wegmans. We did our shopping and got back to the car. Just to set the scene, Axl was sitting in the seat and Slash was sitting in the cart with the food. So I set the cart against the car at an angle so it wouldn't move, unloaded all the groceries and took Slash out to put him into his car seat:
Me: Hold on one second Axl and I'll be back to put you in the car.
I take Slash out and walk to his door:
Axl: Daddy.
Me: Hold on a second Axl, I'm putting Slash in the car.
Axl: (a little more intense) Daddy...
Me: What!?!
So I look behind me and there is Axl in the cart, starting to roll away down the parking lot.
Me: HOLY SH...I'm coming!
Holding Slash, I run out and grab the cart before it can totally get past our car and really roll away, you know, towards oncoming cars looking for spots.
Yup, Father Of The Year.
This afternoon, once again, The Boys just weren't napping. I was exhausted because last night, for the second night in a row, Slash was up for two hours in the middle of the night complaining that his stomach hurt (he had a bad stomach ache last week and an x-ray revealed that he was pretty constipated). So I was NOT in the mood for shenanigans, but unfortunately, The Boys were. I'll skip the almost two hours of fighting with them. I finally put Slash in the crib in his old room and told him that if he got out of his crib, I was going to throw one of his babies in the garbage.
That's right, you heard me. I told my adorable 3 year-old that I would throw one of his babies, which he loves more than anything else, away. I thought that would get him to sleep.
A few minutes later, I heard a door, so I went upstairs and into his room. He was standing in the middle of the room and looked at me and grinned:
Me: That's it Slash. What'd I tell you would happen if you got out of bed? Baby's going in the garbage.
Slash: No Daddy!
I turned and went downstairs with Slash hot on my heels. Axl, hearing the commotion, came out of his room and followed, supporting his brother. I grabbed baby off the couch, put it in a plastic grocery bag, and walked to the garbage. Slash is standing there, tears streaming down his face, screaming "No" and trying to hold the top of the garbage can down. Axl is trying to stop me too:
Me: Axl, stay out of it.
Axl: NO!
Me: Do you want Puppy to join Baby?
Axl: No!
Me: Then move.
Axl: No!
Me: Okay, say bye to Puppy (I grab Puppy and put it in the bag with Baby). See what's happening now guys?
Yup. I put them in the garbage.
HOWEVER, I gave myself an out. Both of them were in a plastic bag so they did not get gross. Meanwhile, The Wife was sitting in the kitchen watching the whole thing. After The Boys went back upstairs to their rooms, I took Baby and Puppy out of the garbage and his them in the closet (you know, R. Kelly's room). Don't worry, they got them back before bed tonight. I'm not a TOTAL monster.
Not my proudest moments.
Like I said, Father Of The Year.
Good times.